Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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