Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
