life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize