he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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