I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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