and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
