a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
