So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
