I'm gonna have a badass scar
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
