4 words: hood of his car
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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