Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
