windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
