I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
