so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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