Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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