I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
