Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
