Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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