Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
