just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize