Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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