I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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