Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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