if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
