An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize