ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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