There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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