hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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