I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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