Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
