i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
