I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
