We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
