census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
