stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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