im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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