this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
