i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
