After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
