Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
