Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
