I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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