cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
