Im at strip club and am horny
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
