Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
