I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize