it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
