normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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