I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
