After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
