Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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