five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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