mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will be naked everywhere
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
