when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
