When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
