i think i have two assholes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
