She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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