What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
bring money and cleavage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
