Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
