One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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