My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
