UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
