Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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