don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
